Friday, August 22, 2008

5 stages of grief

Thank you everyone for all your kind words. I really appreciate it. This is a really difficult time for Mike and I, and it is nice to have your support. I am still in a tremendous amount of pain, but at least the pain is settling into more of a dull ache than a stabbing knife.

I also wanted to thank everyone who reminded me that it is not my fault. Rationally, I know this... I know that I was just doing what I thought was best. But there is still part of me that just feels like I let her down. Like she needed me, and I wasn't there for her. I just hope that in her last moments she was still drugged enough from the surgery that she wasn't in pain and wondering why I abandoned her.

I am still waiting for the autopsy results... after it is all finished they are going to give us her ashes. We plan to bury her at my parent's house, on top of a hill that overlooks Wayne's vegetable garden. I hope that she can be at peace there. I hope she's at peace now... although Mom did remind me that she was never very good at adjusting to change, so it might take her a few weeks to settle in.

I hope that as a little more time passes, and I can start to hold myself together a little better regular knitting posts will resume. Right now I am not quiet in the mood to blog about knitting... but I am sure I will be soon.


kim said...

Hang in there, and all your blog friends will still be here if you need us.

Catie said...

it sounds like you are having a normal reaction to her death. like kim said before me, we are hear if you need us and are ready to help in any way we can

Mary said...

Your mom's right, Sage never was one to take change well. I'm sure her and Bob are hanging out together, being crazy and mad at the world. And also probably beating up other cats, like Misty Malarky Ying Yang (oh yes, this is a REAL name of a REAL cat owned by Jimmy Carter)